I’ve never had anything against bargain shopping. I’ve been to Wal-mart, Big Lots, and even Goodwill with my only intention being to save a buck or two. Sure, I could probably buy the same item somewhere else for just a bit more, and there’s always that little voice in my head that says “RED RUM” (whatever that means) whenever I enter a Wal-mart, but saving a few dollars is often the difference between having a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger vs. having the whole Baconator™ for dinner. But when it comes to bargain shopping, there’s one place that toys with my emotions like no other — the dollar store.

I don’t know what it is about the dollar store, but I alway end up feeling guilty, depressed, and somehow in awe of the complexities of the retail trade every time I walk out with my cheap plastic bag full of dollar store loot. Could it be the cashier who probably has four kids she’s trying to take care of on a dollar store wage? (which I always assume is around $1 per hour). Could it be the somehow endless supply of off-brand products like Nootrageena Shampoo, Enerjizah batteries, and Doritoes? Maybe it’s the zombie-like people with their baskets full of mexican jesus candles, decorative napkins, get well cards, and Krest brand toothpaste. Or maybe it’s just because I know that the only way they can sell this stuff for a dollar is because someone, somewhere, is slapping a Planterz Peenutz label on a can for 10 cents an hour.

In the end, it doesn’t matter. All I know is that if I can go through life never feeling like that again, I’d gladly pay $1.88 for anything I could possibly find at a dollar store. Happy holidays.